Mr. Love Monster

Love…. Love is…it’s interesting to say the least.

Why? Why do we (sometimes) love, care, want, and always be with someone who we have romantic feelings towards, but at the same time we hate despise ourselves you feel confident and attractive, but look in the mirror too long or on a wrong day and you remember how ugly you are. My theory? We want to, we want to love ourselves, but because we’ve spent so long hating who we are and how we look we forgot the meaning of “Self-love” so when we find someone, someone who means something to us who in their presence we realize how special we forget about any problems we have because when we’re with them it’s like sadness is non-existent. 

It doesn’t matter that they don’t know that you hold them in your heart that they help you, help yourself, or that they don’t feel the same way back because their kindness and personality just overwhelms you. It’s that beacon that you’ve been searching for the dim light in the distance the light switch everyone keeps telling you about. 

My experience with love has been…. well it hasn’t been great. Love has proven to me that it’s beautiful like a rose but it spends its’ nights sharpening its thorns so when you let your guard down it hurts you. 

It’s odd you know, so many of us have a friend who we’d date in a heartbeat, but so little of us wish we didn’t have those feelings. I think the worst part is when you start to like someone so soon. Maybe that’s just me, though. It’s hard. 

Life has been great to me! I got an amazing photography gig (fingers crossed I get a great one when I move!) I met a great friend, but I like her.

The thing is for once I truly give zero shits about how gorgeous she is. She makes me feel…alive. The best part is that when she leaves that feeling stays. I love it. 

The back-story of this article doesn’t matter because, in this case, I don’t want to like her I bailey know her!  I just wish I could give her a poison (or just enough alcohol) That I could tell her my life story, tell her how I feel and that I get jealous that I hate myself for liking her so soon. That I wish I had a friend like her when I was younger, maybe then I wouldn’t have tried to escape this world so many times, maybe then I wouldn’t have these scars on my wrist. Because all along I’ve just needed a friend the type of friend you read about in novels. I’m going to miss this feeling when I move. I’ve never had a friend like this before. I hate the fact that I am moving and there is nothing I can do about it. Mr Love Monster, you are the one thing that has made me want to kill myself and the one thing that has made me keep on living. 




Yours Truly, 




Adrian C.

Skinny Bitch

Despite the name of this article I want to make it clear that the models below aren't bitches in fact, every single model I have worked with from first time photoshoot to international are very kind & respectful. They aren't rude or divas as portrayed in many television shows. It's just a title to grab your attention.

So you want look beautiful like those models on the cover of Cosmo, Seventeen & Teen Vogue uh? Well I am here to tell you how you can't. 

Now before you exit this post, let me tell you why. As many of you know I am a photographer. So let me tell you some not so secret things. First off models are photoshopped (duh), but do you know how much they are photoshopped? No? Perfect. I am here to show you just what some photographers & the advertisement industry does. We will ignore her flyaways and just focus on her skin, eyes and eyes.

Here is sped up recording of me doing basic enhancements.

Copyright © 2016 Beauty Through a Lens. All rights reserved. Check out my other photographs! 

Here is what more advanced editing looks like

Photo credit: Business Insider

As you can see to your left and above the bar for women is being set so high that it's just not reachable. Everywhere you look women are being subject to unrealistic standards of how they should look from dolls as a child to lingerie ads for adults. It is drilled into your head from the day you are born that, THAT is what you are suppose to look like. Is that fair? No it's not fair.

It's important for women of all ages to know that what you see in front of you is not what beauty is. Now I'm not saying looks are important because they are -too an extent but what is more important is how you act. Being a bitch may get you places in high school but in the real world that isn't going get you very far. Out of all the thing women are being told have big breast, perfect skin, be skinny, have a thigh gap are things they can't naturally control sure you can lose weight, but how much can you really lose and still be healthy? Not enough.

As a 21 year old male I am telling all of you women out there that guys love it when you have self-esteem (so go love yourself ladies!). We hate it when we call a girl pretty and they reject the compliment because to us you are. Lets be fair though. Can we (males) really blame you for not taking a compliment when everywhere you look you're being told you're not pretty enough? No we really can't.

So just remember that those ads you see those women don't actually look like that. Lighting does a lot for a person as well.


If this article gets positive reviews I will do a more in depth one about women being sexulized throughout history by advertisement agencies. I am also planning on doing one for males.

Leave a comment below or inbox me (no login required) and let me know what you think!

My Short Story

PLEASE COMMENT WITH FEEDBACK. I AM IN NEED OF MORE THINGS TO BLOG ABOUT. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR IDEA(S). I WILL WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING.

The Night Before Halloween

It was a dark and stormy night. It was the worst storm I have ever seen. It was just after nine

o'clock. The neighbors who are about five miles up the road that live in an old castle up on a hill have been staying up all night in just one room. I don't know why but this gave me the creeps. I heard someone knocking on the door. It was my brother Nick. I opened the door but my dog ran out of the house.  I realized that we had to go outside to find Drizzle, my black lab. So Nick and I went outside to find Drizzle.

“We have been searching for an hour now Claire, we need to start heading back to the house the storm is getting really bad. I'm sure Drizzle can find his way back home.” Nick said.

“I'm not leaving Drizzle out here alone!” I said firmly.

Nick sighed then said that when the storm starts to lighten up a little bit we will come back outside and keep looking.

We were just about to head back to the house when Nick held up his hand and whispered “Shh did you hear that?”

“I don't hear anything” I said as I kept walking but then I heard something too. So Nick and I went to check it out thinking it was Drizzle of course.  I mean who else would be out here in a storm like this at this time of night. I saw something down the road it was Drizzle! I was running toward him when this monster came out of the woods and grabbed Drizzle. Drizzle gave out a high pitch yelp. Nick and I started running. This thing was starting to chase us, it was slow. It had short black hair and kind of a wrinkled green face with two

silver bolts sticking out of its neck and stitches along its head. I thought I was going crazy! I had to be.

Nick and I ran into the woods hoping we would lose him. But the monster just broke everything in its path; it was a bad idea too. Nick tripped over a log or something and twisted his ankle really bad. “Run!!!” Nick yelled to me. I told him I would not leave him alone then the monster came in to eyesight Nick said it was no good if it got both of us. So I started running being very careful where I put my feet.  I felt really bad for leaving Nick. I didn't hear anything so I was thinking maybe he somehow got away but then...I heard this horrifying scream. It was Nick, the monster had him.

I felt like I was stuck in the middle of a horror movie. My heart was racing as adrenaline was rushing through my veins. I could not believe what was happening. I kept telling myself it was just a bad dream but I knew it wasn’t this was very, very, very real. I was scared out of my mind all I could think about was Nick and Drizzle. I slowed down just for a split second to glance over my shoulder to see what was happening.

The monster was taking him towards the castle I didn't even want to think or know what about was going to happen. I had never ran so fast or hard in my life. As I dodged the trees and logs I was hoping I was going the right direction to my house. I think I was going the right way but I was not that sure if I was or not. I was getting really tired of running. Each step was becoming harder and harder to do. I could barely breath I was gasping for air and trying so hard not to stop running. My arms and legs were scratched from some tree branches but nothing that bad. I had to slow down to walk I couldn’t run anymore I had no energy left. I started to slowly creep out of the thick bushes. But stayed in cover of the trees and bushes for fear that the monster or whatever it was would come back for me. I stopped and looked around I knew where I was now. I was about five minutes from my house.

It has been two days since what happened. There is still no sign of Nick or Drizzle. So I decided to pick up the phone and call the police.

“9-1-1, what's your emergency?” The operator said with a flat tone.

“My brother Nick and my dog Drizzle have been missing for two days now. And I can't find them anywhere.” I replied.

“OK ma’am I'm sending the police over right now.”

It was about an hour after I phoned 9-1-1 when I heard a knock on the door. It was the police. It didn't surprise me that they took so long after all I am in the middle of nowhere. I opened the door for the two officers. We sat down on my couch. “OK so tell us what happened.” the Police Officer asked me. I told them that Nick who was my brother took my dog Drizzle out for a walk. Cause they both like the rain. I laughed a little. Thinking how true that was. He was going to check that castle on that hill that is up the road. And I was getting worried that something had happened to them when I woke up in the middle of the night which was around 3:45AM when they still had not come back I said to the Officer's. “So why did you wait two days until you called 9-1-1?” One of them asks me. I told them that I thought maybe he got lost in the storm or something.

They looked at the creepy old castle up the road and then looked at one another with that “You thinkin what I'm thinking?” look. Then they asked me if I would mind coming with them to the castle. I thought for a second then said yes. Stop the car Phil said one of the Police Officers to the other one. He stopped the car. He looked at the trees they were all broken like something really big and powerful just burst right through them. They slowly entered the woods with their guns drawn. “Stay there.” One of them said. It was three minutes when they came back with a bag marked “EVIDENCE” with a shoe in it. I gasped. The shoe was destroyed and had a bit of blood on it.

When we finally got to the castle, we got out of the car. They knocked on one of the big huge wooden doors. This place really creeps me out. I said to myself. We were just heading back to the car when a man opened the door. And said “May I help you with something Officers?” He was wearing a white lab coat, and wearing this big round thing around his eyes that kind of looked like swimsuit goggles but bigger. And this round small metal thing on his forehead. “Yes. We are looking for a missing person and an um a dog. Who went missing two days ago roughly between 10:00PM and 2:50AM we got a reason to believe they were headed here.” The Police Officer said.

“Oh dear, I am terribly sorry Officers but I have no ide-. He paused. Was he with a black dog? The man asked curiously with almost a sinister like grin. You could tell he already knew the answer. “Yes.” One of the officers said.

“As a matter of fact I have seen them. Two nights ago the man was knocking on my door and asked if he and the dog could crash for the night or until the storm passes. I told him that he was more than welcome to stay for the night. But the dog would have to stay in the basement.” He said. That would be fine. So he and the dog stayed for the night and around. Err what time was it? I think it was around 11:24AM he left. Nice man. Good dog to.” He said.

“OK Thank-you very much Mr.-” The Officer paused realizing he didn’t know the man's last name. “Dr. Frankenstein” He said to the officer. “OK Thank-you very much Dr. Frankenstein” Said the officer correcting himself. As we head to the car I heard this loud moan. Did you hear that? I said to one the officers. “Hear what?” One of them said. That moan I replied. They listened for a second.

One of the Officers said “I don't hear anything.” As we headed down the hill I knew something was up. He was way too nice. Can’t you guys just go in there and search his place? I asked them “Not without a warrant. Besides we got no proof he has them. But well saying that I do think he is hiding something. “I got a plan.” one the officers said. “When night has fallen we will search around his place see if we find anything” “Good idea Phil!” Replied the Police Officer. Night has fallen. We drove up to the castle it was a bright night out. When we got to the top of the hill the Officers got out the car but of course told me to stay in the car. The Officers had their flash lights out searching around the house. Phil, come here I see them. One the Officers hissed. It was Drizzle and Nick! Nick was tied up on the wall well Drizzle was chained up. The Officers broke into the bottom of the basement by breaking one of the windows. The place was really dark and damp. Body parts everywhere. One of the Officers got Nick then the other got Drizzle just as they were leaving there was this really loud moan. It was the monster! He was coming after them! “RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!” Screamed Nick, Nick grabbed Drizzle and threw him up to one the officers who was already out just as Nick was climbing out the window the monster grabbed his leg and started pulling. The two officers grabbed Nick and pulled him with one really big tug. They got Nick free. As they were running to the car we could hear the monster trying to smash his way out. When Nick, Drizzle and the two officers got in the car they flicked on their lights and went as fast as they could down the hill radioing for back up. But not mentioning the monster after all who would believe them? The officers dropped us off at our house. I asked them what would happen now he told me to look and pointed his finger to the castle there was about half a dozen police cruisers going up the hill as fast as they could. There was even a helicopter with a spotlight. The officer looked at Nicks ankle and said “You didn’t get lost in the storm did you?” “No” Nick replied. We thanked the two officers. When we got home, we locked the doors, turned on all the lights, and sat up the rest of the night, afraid to sleep.

Life Changer

When I was in grade 2 I was stupid.  I literally couldn't read or write anything not even my own name or one letter words (e.g. a, I). I went into a special needs class room. My teacher Mrs. Harrison was a wonderful women. Over the course of 5 years she taught me everything from reading and writing to basic computer skills and appropriate behavior.  She went above and beyond.

I owe this teacher a lot. When I went to her I knew nothing when I left I could not only spell/read my own name (Adrian), but I could read basic stories.  Mrs. Harrison proved to me that you can change someone's life forever and that even the smallest things can go a long ways. This article isn't much but I wanted to express how thankful I am to have met this lady.

One person can make a difference.

"And you should really thank Mrs. Bringman she spend so much extra time It's like she sees the diamond underneath And she's polishing you 'til you shine"

-Brad Paisley, Letter To Me

Via Samsung Galaxy S3

Heartbreak

REMEMBER YOU CAN COMMENT/REQUEST ME TO WRITE AN ARTICLE ANONYMOUSLY IF YOU WANT. I'LL WRITE ABOUT ANYTHING.

"You're a survivor for the phone call that tore you apart"

                                                   -Matthew West, Survivor 

I'm always here for anyone that would like to talk. Please share this article!


It's hard you know? It's not just a break up; it's memories and emotions being unfolded. No matter how long you've been with them. Not only is the person gone-but the feeling, the memories, part of you. Gone. That's what makes it so painful. Everyday it gets harder and harder, but also easier and easier. Everything you do now may not feel the same. It's not just a break up, it's so much more. You may even feel like everything is your fault that you made them leave or that you just weren't good enough. That's so far from true.

Here are some tips to make it through a break up:



Distract yourself
Add some distance
Share your feelings with someone
Change your routine. For example wake up 10 minutes earlier.
Avoid doing things that trigger memories of them. Like listening to 'your' song.

Music

Jesse Labelle - Heartbreak Coverup

Demi Lovato - Give Your Heart A Break

Bon Jovi - It's My Life

Jesse Bonanno -Never Alone

Jesse J -Who You Are

Howie Day- Collide

Tips from WikiHow

• Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn't a good reason, there certainly was one - and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.
• Don't rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It's very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren't so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn't want to break up after all. Don't play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.
• Keep your space. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs - not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you're reliving the past by seeing him/her, it's not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what's absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.
• Cope with the pain appropriately. It's okay to feel like you have messed up - acceptingresponsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you're not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.
• Deal with the hate phase. This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It's a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.
• Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don't edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you've been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean it wasn't a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you're meant to be.
• Make a list of reminders. One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear––this is not the time to be forgiving. What you're doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that "maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out..." Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, "This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?" If you're caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don't deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: "Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!"
• Out with the old, in with the new. A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn't require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with such tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain. Clean your room, get some new posters, clean up the icons on your PC desktop. As insignificant as cleaning up sounds, it'll make you feel better. Personal tip: Don't throw away stuff they given you or something like that. Put it in storage, avoid throwing it away.
• Remove memory triggers. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex––a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don't dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little blue bird-shaped box sitting on the mantel has become pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it's a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there's nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you've given yourself some time and space. Put these reminders far away from you, such as in a box in a place you'll never go. Out of sight, out of mind.
• Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you've always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.
• Stay active. Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step. If you don't exercise regularly, here are some ways to motivate yourself to work out:
• Do something small, right now. Going all the way to the gym, or getting decked out in your jogging gear, or doing whatever it is you feel you should be doing obviously seems like too much work. So just do ten push-ups or jumping jacks. Easy. And usually, it's just enough to get your heart rate going a little bit, and make you feel like a little more exercise wouldn't be so bad...
• Get halfway there. If you want to go to the gym, but just don't feel like it, at least just drive yourself to gym, and tell yourself that if you still don't feel like working out, you'll go home. Odds are, though, once you're there, you won't feel like driving home. (But if you do, that's okay too. But you probably won't.) Then tell yourself you'll just walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes, even if your exercise routine involves much more. Just telling yourself to do one more thing, without having to commit to anything else, will make things much easier. And before long, your endorphins will take over.
• Let go of the negative emotions. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn't work out this time, there will be a next time.